When an estranged child escalates online: protecting yourself and your family

When an estranged child escalates online: protecting yourself and your family

Estrangement is heartbreaking. It’s also complex: grief sits alongside love, and hope collides with harm. When an estranged child begins stalking you online and escalating to threats, the priority must shift to immediate safety for you and any other children in your household.

In Australia, stalking is a criminal offence, including persistent unwanted contact and monitoring, whether offline or online. If the behaviour escalates or you feel unsafe, it is reasonable to involve police to protect yourself and your family.

When an estranged child escalates online: protecting yourself and your family

What online stalking looks like

Online stalking (often called cyberstalking) can include:

• repeated unwanted messages, emails, calls or tags• creating new profiles to evade blocks, or using others to contact you

• monitoring and tracking via shared accounts, cloud photo libraries or location-sharing• doxxing, public shaming, or threats to publish private material

• impersonation or contacting your employer, relatives, friends or your other children’s school to harass or destabilise you

Key warning signs of escalation

Take particular care if you notice any of the following:

• threats of violence or self‑harm

• turning up in person after online monitoring

• doxxing, threats to leak intimate images, or persistent identity spoofing

• fixation on your whereabouts, your other children, or your routines

These behaviours are serious and should be documented. The eSafety Commissioner recommends preserving evidence (screenshots, URLs, timestamps) before removal requests, to support any report to platforms, eSafety or police.

Immediate safety steps you can take today

1. Stop engaging; start documenting

2. Do not argue, explain or negotiate. Take dated screenshots of messages, profiles, and call logs, and export platform data where possible. Save files in more than one place. The eSafety guidance explains how to capture and store evidence safely.

3. Lock down accounts and devices

   
   

4. Change passwords and enable multi‑factor authentication on email, social media, banking and cloud storage.

5. Check for shared devices, shared photo streams, and location sharing (e.g. Find My, Google Location, Snap Map).

6. Consider creating fresh, private contact channels reserved for trusted family and critical services only.

If the online harassment is seriously harmful, you can also report adult cyber abuse to the eSafety Commissioner for potential takedown action.

1. Brief your household and your children’s schoolExplain to other children—age appropriately—that some adults act in unsafe ways online and that they must not respond to any contact attempts or share locations. Ask schools, childcare, sports clubs and relevant carers to hold your updated contact instructions and alert you to any attempted contact.

2. Plan for in‑person safetyAgree on a simple code word for the household that signals “go to the safety plan”. Keep doors and vehicles secured, vary routines if necessary, and let trusted neighbours know to call for help if they observe concerning behaviour.

When it’s time to involve police

Trust your instincts. If there is an immediate threat to your safety, call Triple Zero (000). For non‑urgent police assistance in Australia, you can contact the Police Assistance Line on 131 444, which operates across multiple states and territories. You can also report through your local police if that is easier for you.

Why this step matters

• Stalking is a crime; reporting creates an official record and enables police to intervene and advise on protective options.

• Having an incident number helps if further incidents occur or if platforms and services request verification of risk.

A one‑time boundary message you can use

If you choose to send any message at all, make it once, brief, and final. Then disengage, preserve evidence and tighten safety settings.

Sample message "I acknowledge our estrangement and the pain that sits with it. Your online contact and threats are unsafe and must stop. I am protecting myself and my other children. There is no coming back from your previous conduct. I wish you well for your future, but I am not going to be part of that. Do not contact me again."

After sending this (once), block and mute all known channels, and keep evidence of any further attempts to contact you. If threats continue or escalate, contact police.

Protecting your other children

• Explain boundaries simply: “We don’t reply; we tell a safe adult.”

• Review their device privacy, app permissions and friend lists.

• Ask schools and care providers to restrict information and enforce pick‑up lists.

• Encourage help‑seeking: Kids Helpline offers confidential 24/7 support for young people and for the adults who care for them.

If the abuse is online, use the eSafety pathway

The Online Safety Act strengthens protections against serious online abuse. eSafety can direct platforms to remove seriously harmful content and provides step‑by‑step reporting guides and evidence tips. Preserve evidence first, then follow the reporting flow for adult cyber abuse.

Where to find confidential support right now

• 000 if you are in immediate danger. For non‑urgent matters, Police Assistance Line 131 444.

• 1800RESPECT for confidential counselling and safety support relating to family and domestic violence.

• Lifeline 13 11 14 for crisis support and suicide prevention.

• MensLine Australia 1300 78 99 78 for men’s counselling, including around family violence (using or experiencing).

• Kids Helpline 1800 551 800 for children and young people, and guidance for parents and carers.

Closing note

It is compassionate to hope for reconciliation, but it is responsible to draw a hard line when behaviour becomes unsafe. You can hold both truths: wishing them well, and refusing to participate in the harm. If that line is crossed again, involve police to protect yourself and your other children.

Web search results you provided (14 August 2025)

1. Living with a Broken Heart: Are You Estranged from Your Child? Guidance for parents navigating estrangement, including communication ideas and coping strategies drawn from parenting practice.

2. How to cope when your adult child cuts you out of their life A parent‑focused blog outlining coping steps after an adult child initiates estrangement, with emphasis on self‑care and rebuilding routines.

3. it must be child‑focused, polite, and limited to two ...A Facebook group discussion thread where members suggest documenting concerns and writing to police; informal peer advice rather than official guidance.

4. A parent responds to “Unwanted Contact Is Not Stalking” An opinion piece from a parent’s perspective debating how unwanted contact may constitute stalking; anecdotal and reflective in tone.

5. Shining a torch on the bleakness of parental alienation An Australian family law firm’s article discussing parental alienation concepts and how they arise in legal disputes.

6. Are you “stalking” an estranged adult child?A blog post cautioning parents against monitoring estranged adult children online and exploring why it may be counter‑productive.

7. When to Call the Police on Your Child – Empowering Parents Parenting advice about situations where calling police may be necessary for safety, with practical scenarios.

8. What to do When Someone is Mean to Your Child A personal blog post offering general responses when a child is mistreated; not specifically about estrangement or stalking.

9. Stalking intensifying: what do I do?! : r/EstrangedAdultKids A Reddit thread with peer suggestions for managing escalating stalking, including contacting local police; community advice, not official policy.

10. Stalking | victimsofcrime.vic.gov.au Official Victorian information on stalking as a crime, examples of behaviour, safety planning and how to report.